I Have Been Released

I truly felt as if I was going to die. I’ve never died before so the feelings couldn’t be adequately addressed, not really knowing the telltale signs of imminent death and all. My heart wasn’t racing. I was breathing normally. I wasn’t feeling any sharp or acute pains. Nothing that would indicate a passing from this life. But as I sat down to get down at a funky po-boy house, I could feel that something just wasn’t right, and death was surely on its way to keep me from enjoying the sumptuous repast that awaited me.
The first bite of the fried shrimp po-boy told me everything I needed to know. Even though far from its host origins, South Louisiana, here in Texas as I was, many miles from that palmetto filled border, that first bite let me know unequivocally that the chef was either taught by someone who’d grown up there, or he was the real thing, a dyed in the wool coon-ass. The potato salad that accompanied the meal was divine. And it is rather sacrilegious to not have a Barg’s Root Beer when diving into such fare, and much to the restaurants credit, that brand was available, and a cold one dripping with dew sat right in front of me.
Despite feeling as if I would keel over and depart this land at any second, needing to wash down a mouthful of home grown wonderfulness, I turned up my root beer and gulped like a thirsty goat.
As I sat there and listened to the tinkling of an old upright piano from the room around the corner, a most spectacular life changing event occurred.
Caught completely by surprise, unable to do anything about it, the most profound belch left me, and not in a hurry, either. A long sustained growl emerged from the depths of my guts and continued for what seemed like at least a minute or so. My eyes watered. My toes curled. All my nose hairs fell in a heap on the tiled floor
Luckily for me, the room was empty, leaving me without having to apologize to any who might be offended, as this burp was a sure-fire contest winner. And far from wanting to apologize for my expulsion, I wanted to stand up and cheer, for the nagging feeling of teetering on the brink of death was far removed. As a matter of fact, I felt sixteen again!
What noxious matter could have made me feel thus? Whatever the cause, a healthy slug of Barg’s Root Beer fixed me right up. I’d never felt better. Life was good again. I would live another day! Life and its many complexities, fixed with a simple solution: carbonation.
The rest of my meal didn’t stand a chance, screaming for mercy, even!
Having paid, I was drawn to the music like a rat enchanted by the pied piper. A legless black man tickled the ivories while I stood close by and slowly nibbled on a praline. That legless black man took me away from the world for a moment, traveling with those long gnarled fingers into worlds that beckoned, taking me with him; the ghosts of many who’d been entertained by this piano, ones who’d played this piano, long since gone, flew from the keys, around the room, dancing to the sweet music that echoed off the walls, through the ceiling, up into the sky to dance with God and all the angels on high; a joyous celebration.
A life worth living. Here on Earth.
Saved by a belch.