Laughing My Ass Off

I almost died yesterday. The cause of death which would’ve been listed on my death certificate? Death by laughter. That’s right, yesterday I almost died laughing! And during the event, knowing I was quickly passing from this life, I decided that leaving the world in such a fashion wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, even though I’d ideally envisioned coming and going whilst in the the throes of passion, or something akin. But hey, sometimes you don’t get to choose your way out and there I was, on the floor of the movie theater, unable to get my breath, the episode on the screen continuing to get even more ridiculous and hilarious which made my situation all the worse, finally crumpling to the floor of the theater, my vision turning black as night, my body devoid of life giving air, quite literally laughing my ass off and outta here, “poof”! there he goes. What a scene...
The film in question was called, “Kung-Fu Hustle”, a movie I knew little about, but from what I’d seen in televised previews and heard from others who’d already seen it was enough to personally escort my curiosity to the next level of fighting ball busting traffic and plunking down good hard earned money on the chance I’d dig it; tough sell, am I. And since this was the first day I’d had to myself in weeks, and in serious need of a guffaw or three, me and a buddy made plans to catch an afternoon matinee to see what would stick.
We followed through on those plans.
Within a minute or two into the first scene -a Chinese policeman getting a first class ass whipping by a cowboy hat wearing, oriental gang boss who talked some serious ten foot tall, down to the bone, bonafide, shake rattle and roll horseshit- I knew I was in for a different kind of cinema experience. Little did I know...
All I can say is, this is the funniest movie I’ve ever seen in my life. Brilliantly conceived and directed by Stephen Chow. Best casting I’ve ever seen in a film since Fellini in his heyday. And Stephen holds the proud title of being the first director in several decades, since the passing of the infamous Chuck Jones and his team of writers and animators, the team responsible for many of the Warner Cartoons: Bugs Bunny, Sylvester the Cat, Porky Pig, Foghorn Leghorn, Speedy Gonzalez, Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner among his many creations, to accurately and with much aplomb, capture the sidesplitting, slapstick style that many earlier teams made famous; The Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy immediately springing to mind. No small feat! And it was these short slapstick movies from this bygone era upon which I was raised. Seeing someone getting their nose hairs jerked out, or blown up, or getting their ass kicked and waylaid without dire ramification and horrific reality is just plain out and out funny to me. Politically correct I am not. Never will be courtesy of these characters who gave me the gift of laughter throughout my youth, who still give me a chance to chuckle and howl when on occasion I happen to stumble across an obscure screening of their legendary exploits.
And this movie, “King-Fu Hustle”, finally captured the lost art of slapstick after many had tried and failed miserably over the years. So much so it damn near cost me my life! And I remember, as the world disappeared in a flashbulb, inky blackness, I lay dying a happy man.
Laughter is something in short supply these days. Not much to laugh about when you look at the surface, and God forbid you go under the surface. We live in some mean spirited times, folks. And it doesn’t look to get any better anytime soon. The goons and the loonies have firmly grasped the reins and it is a party at anyone and everyone’s expense, unfortunately.
So, for such a movie to come about, especially one so politically incorrect, and from a Chinaman, no less! was just what the doctor ordered for this kid.
Yeah, as I crumpled to the theater’s floor, time did indeed slow down and I came to the conclusion, riddled with startling clarity as I was as the uncontrollable laughter continued, that if I did die this way, dying laughing, it was all right, not so damn bad in the big scheme of things. And given this life lived, mighty apropos. One could do far worse in this current day and age. Death is far too cheap and easy. Laughter, a priceless commodity. A chance to kiss God’s face. Go down swingin’.
But, somehow catching my breath, my life eventually spared, I was able to catch the rest of the film; an hour and a half well spent with plenty more belly laughs. And because of this unique cinematic experience I especially want to thank those responsible for bringing this film, “Kung-Fu Hustle”, to its fruition; an homage to much of what we’ve lost, to what inspired us back when our country was blooming and thriving.
Inspiration. Something I need and crave.
Laughter, life’s blood.
Hellified combo for a simple afternoon matinee.
Because of my near death I’ve been bathed anew. I am born a child again; courtesy of a movie that let me escape the surly bonds of earth, if only for a little while. Escape that was necessary, to refresh myself for the battles that lay around the corner. Ones I choose to meet head-on, and emerge victorious, should I be so lucky.
Bring it on! saith I.
And if I’m ever fortunate enough to chance upon the opportunity to experience that sort of unbridled laughter again, laughter that may indeed take me from this world, color me all too ready. Considering the myriad of dagnasty, out and out lousy alternatives, what a way to go, eh?
If one should be so lucky...