Nitpicky

I’d just woken up when I looked out my bedroom window and saw it was snowing. And not just a little. Oh no. A lot. Heavy, even. Nothing to get excited about -snow is okay and all- but the thermometer on the balcony read a scorching one-hundred seven degrees, normal for these parts this time of year. Not so, the snow. So even though hard to believe, there it was, bigger than Dallas, snowing like hell in the middle of August in Texas.
I reached over and grabbed the ashtray from the nightstand. I found the roach and lit it, took a coupla hits. My stomach rumbled, the body’s way of demanding fuel of any sort and admittedly, mine was in serious need.
The fridge was empty, except for an unopened jar of Cheez Whiz.
I popped the top and dug in my thumb and pulled out a cheesy plumb.
As I stood in the middle of the kitchen and chowed down, still transfixed by the falling flakes outside my front window, I watched the snowstorm turn into a sideways blizzard while the sun shone bright, at the height of its midday arc as it was; a perplexing, unnerving scene, way beyond the devil beating his wife thing. Cheez Whiz sticking to the roof of my mouth wasn’t helping matters, either.
After having, for the most part, concluded my gourmet breakfast, I surveyed the street below and saw pods of people huddled there, all in bathing suits, sculpting, what appeared to be, snowmen, while the younger ones were having snowball fights and such. Everyone had a happy, devil may care attitude. I didn’t. This shit had me a bit geezed, but what the fuck could I do about it?
I retrieved last night’s joint and had a coupla more tokes. Bruised it. Kept my place on couch, watching nature’s freak show.
Sun still shining bright, the snow continued to fall. And despite the heat, was accumulating in sizable drifts. Traffic eventually slowed to a halt. People abandoned their cars, running everywhichaway. I scratched my balls, my tongue systematically removing the last bits of plastered Cheez Whiz from the roof of my mouth.
It wasn’t long, maybe a couple of hours or so, but by then the snow had almost covered all the surrounding houses. That quick! From my second story window all I could see were rooftops and chimneys. Cars were buried alive.
And then, as magically as it’d begun, the snow stopped. Cold.
I rolled another and waited.
Over the course of the next thirty minutes or so I watched the thermometer climb until it reached one-hundred fifteen degrees. Not normal for this time of year, any time of year, really. But after today, what the fuck was normal anymore?
The snow began to melt. Quickly. As if someone had opened a dam, the melting snow turned the street below into a small river, then in no time at all the river overran its banks and became an angry lake. Eventually the houses and cars were, again, swallowed whole by the rising tide. Out of nowhere the occasional rogue boat would appear, filled with freaked out people rowing their families, their pets, and a few precious belongings to God knows where. And they were the lucky ones. Others, humans and animals alike, were swimming aimlessly in the current, looking none too pleased with their odyssey. And there were others, too, lots of them, simply floating by.
I finished the joint.
Next I knew water was seeping under my door. I opened my front windows, knocked off the screen, and waited. Soon I, too, would be swimming my way to God knows where. There weren’t any other options.
I sealed the baggie of pot and stuffed it in my back pants pocket, then I took off my shoes and rolled up both pants legs.
Right before I jumped in I saw something that was almost impossible for my mind to accept... I watched the sun drop from the sky. Completely. In just a few seconds. It was there one moment, then it lurched at a queer angle, disappearing below the horizon with a huge-ass, horrifying roar, absolutely gone the next.
Our world plunged into utter darkness. Pitch black. Indescribably black. Almost immediately I was chilled to the bone. All I could hear were terrified screams looking for help, or demanding reasons why. The water that covered my apartment’s floors began to snap and crackle, freezing over. I leapt up on the couch.
Soon enough, and I mean frighteningly quick, the screams from outside stopped altogether.
All grew quiet, the darkness a black hole from which there wasn’t escape.
What could I do? What could anyone do?
Despite being able to barely comprehend all this, quite literally the end of the world in an afternoon, there was something oddly soothing about all this, like going back to the womb or something; so I lay down on my couch, pulled a blanket over me, and scratched my nuts. Life's simple pleasures, indeed.
Come to think of it, that Cheez Whiz wasn’t all that bad, either.