Choices

Sounds like such an innocent way to spend a moment. Choose. Make a decision. So lighthearted! So frivolous! So carefree! But be forewarned... the repercussions from this moment of one’s choosing will affect many things surrounding the decision. If one is not careful, and chooses poorly, this decision will render you asunder and fuck with everyone and everything around you, too. The ripple effect in full bloom.
Example.
I remember when I first met “her”. At the outset I saw her final divorce decree that was yet to be finalized, one her husband and his cousin lawyer had drawn up for her, telling her, “Not to worry, don’t get an attorney, we’ll take care of everything”. I told her then -in no uncertain terms- that if she didn’t retain a lawyer and get this decree reworked til it was -at the least- halfway fucking fair, then the ripple effect would eventually turn into a tsunami that would grind everything in her life, including me, including our relationship, into an unrecognizable bloody pulp.
She chose.
She chose not to seek counsel.
Two weeks later she was filing for bankruptcy and had to move in with me. We’d only been dating a few weeks. That was only the beginning...
And in truth, to balance the scales, I chose too. Poorly, if one exercises hindsight.
And true to form, over the years, I watched as that one bad decision -one that could’ve easily gone the other way- turned everything in her life, my life, my families life, her children’s life, her families life, completely upside down, hellwest and crooked. The domino effect
I’ve been apart from her for several years now and I’m still reeling from the repercussions from that one bad decision; both hers and mine. Lifelong psychological scars riddle my psyche and will until death I do part.
Just the other day, in fact, I got a call from her. She told me her father had died. She was planning on attending the funeral by hitching a ride with a sister who I knew to be a powderkeg ready to blow at anytime, over just about any thing. These two, when together, were always gasoline on fire. I warned her before she left to rethink her plans.
She chose badly one more time.
Well, the powderkeg blew. They threw her out of the car on the side of the road after the funeral without a dime to her name. She began hitchiking and men pulled over immediately wanting her to flash them, suck their dicks for a ride! Glory be... How did I know this? She called again today, wanting me to come to her rescue, one more time. This time, unlike a decision I made a long time ago -which has haunted me ever since- I chose wisely.
And now this woman feels entirely abandoned, because, for the most part, because of her decisions, everyone indeed has.
Has she looked in the mirror?
No. It’s the cruel world’s fault.
I, too, made a decision. I realized I can no longer be there for her in any reasonable capacity. A friend, on some odd level, because I care for her as a human being, despite her shortcomings, despite the fact she thinks I dumped her unnecessarily and is still fuming about it. But still... something I have learned is that darkness will consume you too if you get too close to one who repeatedly makes decisions for all the wrong reasons. Your ass will get sucked in in a heartbeat and you too will suffer the consequences of a poor decision making process. The old “fuck with shit and you will get it on you” parable come to life. Harsh, extremely harsh, but true.
Choice. Such a simple word. Such a complex process.
Be careful when confronted with a decision. No matter how slight. Think things through as best you can.
But here’s the paradox. How do you learn? From making bad choices!
God is a funny supreme being. A laugh a minute. And remember, if you lose your sense of humor, you really have lost. So ha fucking ha.