Please Remove Your Foot From My Ass and Insert Into Your Own Mouth
Here was my horoscope for yesterday....
Greetings Dony - Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, June 29: “It's time for lighthearted fun -- which is just what the doctor ordered, isn't it? Don't try to plan things out too carefully. Just let go and enjoy the moment.”
Now, in reading that one might construe that this is a day to just kick back and groove, smile at all the world’s ills, devil may care. And even though I don’t plan my days around these insights, I thought it good advice at the very least. So, in my own way, I did just that. Little did I know where this lighthearted fun would eventually take me. Never in a million years...
The hateful vile woman I tangled with on Friday (see “Smack ‘Em Like You Mean It”) had thankfully left me alone over the weekend as I’d gotten everything cleared up to everyone’s satisfaction, or so I thought. I’d run into her at the desk yesterday morning and we had a pleasant exchange, and again, I took the high road and asked if she and I could talk to clear the air, get off on the good foot if we could. She smiled and assured me I was on her list for today.
I walked away feeling pretty good. I never like to avoid bad situations as I’m naturally inclined to find solutions to the problems and meet them head on to diffuse any leftover rancor. I was doing my part in the equation.
A good friend, the Mad Mexican, came by the crib yesterday afternoon and he was able to take me exploring on the web to find some things I’d inquired about. A fun afternoon, blazing away, cooking up a bellyful of chicken potstickers, thunder and rain outside. listening to some tunes. A groovy mood, in all.
Then late yesterday afternoon, the phone rang.
She bitch wasted no time coming out the chute with her usual hateful blather, demanding that I get a credit card imprint, giving me an hour to do so... or I was OUTTA HERE! It’s pouring down rain outside. It’s rush hour. I’m here with my friend. Unfuckingbelievable! I still can’t come to grips why this woman treats a good customer in such a caustic fashion. No rhyme, no reason. Hate to think of what her daddy did to her as a child.
Even though I’d given them all the information they needed for the account, my partner had still been trying to fax them an imprint of the card since Saturday but their fax machine hasn’t worked for days and still isn’t. I told the woman behind the desk this fact, telling them I would be seeing him in a bit and I could get the card then, but all I got were more threats and demands, and this after I’ve been here for over a year and spent quite a lot of money! I let them know what I thought about their stance and the whole situation in my own inimitable way, then I left to go retrieve the card so I could get this she bitch out of my hair.
It’s hard for me to understand how some people can make life miserable for not only themselves, but for any they come in contact with. Life is difficult enough without people who suffer from this crippled mindset spreading their misery all over you. I really yearn for the days of old where you could plug a hole in a jerk and everyone thanked you afterward. This situation certainly called for western styled justice, but unfortunately I live in a politically correct society and I’m getting more fed up with it by the day.
I drove in the torrential rain, in the bottlenecked traffic, got the card and returned to my abode. Nonplused.
The situation worsened, if you can believe it.
Another woman was waiting for me, she bitch’s shield, as it turns out. She bitch is too chickenshit to deal with me directly, preferring to toss everything upside down then let everyone else clean up her mess. Piece of shit in a human suit if ever I’ve seen one. I soon found out the wench facing me is no better than the other, but little did I know why. That unveiling came later.
I thought I’d been a good boy and done like they’d asked, as unreasonable as it was, but they had a whole ‘nother plan of attack waiting on me. Now they needed his signature. Now they needed a letter stating it was okay to use this card for this account. And the tiddly wink, pedantic, rooty poot, namby pamby, chickenshit pettiness got worse with each word out of her mouth.
I’d had quite enough of this rude and boorish behavior and stepped up to the counter and asked for the she bitch’s bosses names, their telephone numbers, their addresses, their positions, as this was so far beyond the normal customer/business relationship as to be believed! I was frustrated and disrespected and I smelt blood.
The other woman asked for my partners phone number. I gave them both, knowing he is pretty much available on either twenty-four hours a day. Then I was told she couldn’t reach him, and without payment, I would have to vacate immediately...
I kept my cool, but I let this woman know exactly what I felt about the situation, again, in my own inimitable way. And it was midway through my ‘as level-headed as I could get it’ tirade that the original she bitch appeared, and this after I’d been told she was no longer on the property. Aha! An all new low...
By this time I’d gotten ahold of my partner on the first call, unlike what they were seemingly unable to do, and right then when things were rising to a fever pitch between all of us, I turn around and there is a police cruiser pulling up to the front door.
I won’t bore you with the details, but let it be said, with each layer of the onion peeled away, the policemen kept looking at me, my partner, and she bitch, nodding their heads in assessment, slowly piecing this picture together, coming to the conclusion that I’d already arrived at days ago.
She bitch tried every way to get me and my partner to lose it so she could toss me out, or have me arrested, and the more she tried, the more her facade fell and the policeman knew it, giving me the all knowing “look” when she would ratchet her cat scratch lunacy up a notch or two, while me and my partner would calmly show her the err in her ways which only infuriated the shit our of her. She’d demand something new, we’d say okay, then she’d change the rules before she’d even responded to what we were offering! I sat over to the side, asked by the police to do so, uncontrollably shaking I was so mad. But we kept our cool She bitch didn’t. And before long, both policemen had her number.
After he’d heard quite enough one policeman took she bitch to the side and had a talk with her. I don’t know what was said but suddenly she couldn’t get our process finished fast enough.
I continued to press upon some issues that were unresolved and she complied, even though she wanted to explode. I enjoyed every second of it.
Finally, she bitch had, by her own hands, locked herself in a corner unable to squirm anymore, and she wouldn’t be able to sling one fucking untoward word my way ever again for fear of legal action. And she knew it.
Revenge tastes good when you really don’t have to do much except watch it all happen, the other person taking care of themselves, digging their own graves, then tossing dirt on top of themselves, as well. Yeah, she took her foot out of my ass and went to sucking on it so fast it made her fucking dizzy. She asked for it. She got it.
Me and my partner went and had some queso and chips while she bitch probably went home and beat up her dog and verbally abused her husband. Even though I didn’t know it, I’d actually carried out to the letter my horoscope, only re-reading it again this morning and laughing out loud at what I read. In truth, I had let go, and without a doubt, enjoyed the moment.
Now I can walk in peace. That is, until the next cocksucker jumps into my way. And with the human race being what it is, that’s only a matter of fucking time.
I can’t get far enough away. But meanwhile, I have faith, I work hard, and it’s only a matter of time. Freedom will be mine. All mine. And doomed motherfuckers like her and others will suck my dust.
Enlightened, fucking giddy, I walk on.