Fur is Flying, The Wheels are Coming Off, Duck Wilma!

(this one was written for Friday, June the 25th but I'm just gettin' around to punching it out)

I read four newspapers everyday. Some days can be... well, never quite boring, but some can only elicit a yawn at best. Yesterday wasn’t one of those. Not by any stretch.
I don’t usually write about events in the news, preferring to write a piece of fiction about a specific event that catches my eye (see Double Dumbass). But as I scanned the papers yesterday I found it almost hard to believe what I was reading. I’m not sure what planet was in alignment with what, or what sort of solar flare activity we had, but some wicked twisted dagnasty shit was definitely in the air. News that made me sit down and ponder how out of wack we, the human race, are going to get, and what will become of our world in the process? I shudder to think. How bizarre could this news I read have been, you ask? If you’ve not dug beneath the surface as I, allow me to unveil. I’d be honored to be your personal tour guide into the maw of humanity at its zenith...
The seven deadlies in full view.

Lust
The first item involves a man from Utah named Walter Ball. I’m not sure what happened in Walter’s life for him to turn out thus, but whatever it was, or whomever was responsible needs to be brought up on serious criminal charges. I guess Walter, over the years, thought it most natural to sexually abuse his three daughters. He dug it. A lot. Walter was finally jailed after sexually molesting one of the daughters in a most deranged fashion. It was bad enough that he’d had his way with her, but then after he’d done the deed, he decided to up the ante by putting a gun to her head and pulling the trigger. Luckily for the poor young woman the gun wasn’t loaded but one can only imagine the psychological damage inflicted by such a heinous event. Well, after a short stint behind bars for being such a bad boy the powers that be decided it was time for ol’ Walter to hit the bricks again. There’s wisdom for you. All the daughters immediately sought restraining orders on their father. Didn’t stop ol’ Walter. Apparently the man has a most distinctive concentration and need and wasted no time in taking up right where he left off. First item of business was to visit a good friend of his wife, waking her up in the middle of the night and beating her senseless; no apparent motive. He then went back home and hogtied all three daughters together with some rope, this after making them strip naked. Then, in front of his nude and bound daughters, he shoots his wife in the face, killing her, then takes the girls for a joyride in the desert at their expense. After doing god knows what to these poor girls, he buys a bunch of booze and drinks until he passes out. One of the girls apparently has had more than enough and finding the bastard’s gun promptly plugs several holes in his sorry carcass, rendering him moot amongst the human populace. Thankfully. It’s really hard for me to understand how someone could be so vile. How did someone get to be so demented and why did it take so long for justice to be served?. My only question is why didn’t someone shoot the bastard a lot sooner?! Fucker deserved to die, but slowly, with much more pain and agony involved. Fucker deserved worse than he got; the old eye for an eye never more appropriate. Walter is gone and quickly forgotten, but not by his daughters, unfortunately.

Greed
Let’s hit the east coast and look at someone on the opposite end of the spectrum. Apparently the Olympic committee had requested that J Lo represent her hood in the Big Apple recently, asking her to perform for the torch carrying ceremony. She accepted the offer, but added to her fee a list of demands that were “absolutely necessary” for her to be there. First item, a private jet at a cost of 38K. Then there was the 10K a night hotel room with two adjoining 1K a night suites for her minders. Then there was the ever important makeup at 6k a day. The hair was only 4K a day. All to just show up for the good of her country, her city, and sing a song! What would have been so difficult to graciously accept the honor, hop on a plane, slap on some lipstick, comb her hair, and do something right and good for the occasion? Can we say ‘out of touch’? And when they refused her demands, she said she couldn’t accept the invitation because of a “work commitment”. But when the film company with whom she is working were contacted they said there wasn’t any shooting that particular day. ...Hate to be in that woman’s skin. She obviously believes everything she reads and hears, and we, the public, and the companies that vie for her services keep feeding that ego. I almost feel sorry for her, but it’s hard to feel sorry for someone who is abusing her privilege so. Reality check is nowhere in sight. Lucky man that Marc Anthony, eh?

Anger
Let’s go cross country and see what happened in East Oakland. It would appear that a certain Laurie Medina took a bit of offense when her ex boyfriend began to date someone other than she. Gosh, imagine that?! Something completely new and different in the behavioral patterns of humans! She had a car full of her friends and while they were leaving McDonald’s she saw her ex driving off with another woman. The horror! The shame! The indignity! Ms. Medina decided that she needed to show her undying love for her ex by chasing him down the highway, ramming his car repeatedly with hers. As the chase escalated to high speeds the ex, in an attempt to get away, exited the freeway. Ms. Medina, however, was far from through in her open display of unyielding devotion to her ex. She continued to chase and ram his car until it finally spun out of control and hit some parked cars, immediately killing the new girlfriend. Is it any wonder the guy left this fucking woman? Boy, she sure showed him, didn’t she?

Envy
Here’s a quote from the British Sun. “All you could hear were gasps when Colin Farrell appeared in his full-frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it. Even director Michael Mayer admits, "It was distracting.” Well, not sure why this “it” made news the world over, but amazingly enough, “it” did. I guess we now know why the man doesn’t seem to have any trouble boinking gals all over the globe. As if he needed any more help! And now they’re keeping the salivating public from paying eight bucks a ticket to gaze longingly at his manhood. Ah, the injustice of it all.

Sloth
Next we have Marvin Buckley. A mild mannered Miami homebody who met a young woman on a chat line and arranged for her to meet him at his house so they could better get to know each other. Well, the woman definitely got to know Mr. Buckley better, maybe a little better than she’d bargained for. Ol’ Marvin got a might bit peeved when back at his crib, the woman refused to give him a nude lap dance. Marvin’s payback for her refusal to satisfy his demands was to beat her unmercifully and bind her from head to toe in gaffer tape. He then sexually abused and tortured her for a while, then the girl told him she’d given his address to another friend, whereupon Marvin put her in a laundry bag and drug her down some stairs and left her in the garage for a couple of days, stuffing her full of a variety of pills as he went about his normal day to day, which mostly consisted of laying on the couch and watching Cartoon Network, eating Cocoa Puffs straight out the box. Marvin grew nervous when he’d had time to think about what he’d done so he moved his victim to the house of a woman who was a friend of his, a woman who didn’t know Marvin as good as she thought, who immediately freed the woman when Marvin left the house and called the police to report the incident. Is it any wonder Marvin had trouble finding dates? He won’t have any trouble finding dates where he’s headed. He’ll be real popular there. Might not get the Cartoon Network though. Definitely no Cocoa Puffs.

Gluttony
Tommy Lee... Those two words alone spring to the mind a host of images, don’t they? Well, after years of boyish behavior, multiple recovery centers, court battles, starring in his own porn film, jail time for beating up wifeypoo, Tommy had decided to go clean and sober for the good of his children, to be the upstanding dad he knew he was. Well, apparently when the kids aren’t around Tommy has a certain lust for life, a zest, be that as it may; an off/on switch that runs straight to his proclivities and seems to be in prefect working order. The Belagio Hotel in Las Vegas had hired Tommy to DJ for one of their nightclubs whereupon Tommy got yet another opportunity to whoop it up old style. He was spinning music -which must’ve offended some of the patrons gathered there- and after he was asked to play different types of music by the club’s management, as these same patrons were the ones, by the way, who were paying everyone’s salary, including Tommy’s right? Tommy refused and continued to play music that HE wanted to hear. Finally the club management literally pulled the plug on the Tomster. Undaunted, Tommy begins to order $800 a bottle champagne as fast as he can down them, then refuses to pay. Oh Tommy me boy, some things just don’t change, do they?

Pride
Now the fun starts. First off, the Dick Cheney has obviously had enough of a Senator Leahy and when the two are paired together for a photo op on the Senate floor there is an exchange between the two that ends abruptly with the Dick telling Senator Leahy to go fuck himself. And when queried about it on a news program the Dick is completely unrepentant and instead says he feels much better for doing so. Rather telling isn’t it? Notwithstanding his political rhetoric which I know we all take to heart, something tells me his glaring condescension is a true glimpse into way the man really feels about his fellow conspirators, the American Public included. Then we have his partner in crime, Bushy Boy. Behind the scenes we hear of a caustic atmosphere where aides are walking on eggshells as the Prez is likely to jump down your throat for a simple disagreement, quoting scripture and Caesar at the top of his lungs. I guess he deserves to be a bit jumpy as we are only days from turning the Iraqi government back over to them, and just today there were coordinated attacks at five different Iraqi cities and a total of over 100 people killed, hundreds injured. Sounds like our plan to invade Iraq and show those people what democracy really is ain’t quite working, is it, Bushy boy?! But he and his administration continue to willfully ignore our founding father’s constitution, ruining our countries worldwide respect, wasting trillions of our taxpayer money, putting us in a deficit never before seen, and angering a nest of hornets who were already pissed off enough to strike us at our heart. Guess what? It’s gonna get worse...
All in all, quite a day for news, eh? The seven deadlies in full and prominent display.
Lest I forget, there were other important newsworthy items such as Jessica Simpson being unable to sing in Ohio because of a kidney infection, and one Olsen twin won’t be traveling to Australia to see the other who’s in a treatment center for anorexia. And then there was even some real insignificant shit... cops are still beating the shit out of black people in Los Angeles!?!?
We got a lot to be proud of, don’t we? I mean, as a race we are evolving into a more loving caring people’s aren’t we? We are focusing on what’s really important in this life, aren’t we? I know wherever I look I see progress, by God!

There isn’t a rock big enough. But I’m lookin’...