Sticky

A good restful sleep has eluded me the past few nights. Admittedly there are a lot of boiling points in my life at present, but one, more than most, has been weighing heavily on my heart.
Just a few months ago, someone whom I was very close to, both personally and professionally, died unexpectedly. His passing has already created a most immense void in my life as it has in others who were close to him; and there weren’t many.
To complicate matters, his affairs were rather complex. As if his passing wasn’t cruel enough, I now helplessly watch as different factions of loved ones, people who were all incredibly important to his life, whom I love dearly, are taking issue with the other. To be expected to some degree as the estate is substantial and both sides have raw emotions, exposed ganglia, if you will, due to some malcontented, predatory sons-a-bitches who viciously attacked from every angle; gouging, ripping and tearing at scabs which covered wounds not yet healed. Only natural, way I look at it. The storm of emotions wreaking their havoc. Humans being less than. The way.
I’ve observed from a distance thus far, but only in the last couple of weeks have both sides asked that I enter into the fray to help bring some clarity to a gulf that divides. A good sign, as I know deep down everyone involved cares for the other and wants to do the right thing, despite the current chilly temperature.
Normally I’m a rather cool customer, if I must say so myself. Not easily rattled even under the most caustic of circumstances. But I must walk a very heated tightrope here so as not to muddy the water. I must be neutral and fact based in answer to the myriad of questions being levied my way. A sticky sitch, if ever there was one. One that has me slightly discomforted on the inside, as much as I try and ignore it, as evidenced by my fitful, dream riddled sleep.
My only hope is that I can be the bridge that will help span the gulf. Meanwhile, I’m polarized, carefully groping for due course through this minefield as I dearly love all sides and they me, and I desire more than anything those feelings never be impugned. I pray for words. I pray for big sky. And I endeavor to build this bridge, brick by brick by brick by brick...
It’s my supreme hope that one day we will all gather privately and have a much needed laugh ...and cry, celebrating this man and his life and the effect it had on each of us. I know it can happen. It’s what he would want. But for now, no one’s laughing. There are only bitter tears and confusion. The unexpected wake he left enormous .
There’s a hole in my heart that needs mending. Perhaps ...just perhaps, by stepping into the fray I can mend this hole, and in turn, dry the tears of others.
My burden. One I accept.
“Take a gamble with your heart, take a chance on happiness. You’ll be glad you placed the bet. Think it over, what’s to lose? All the odds are in your favour.”
Good advice from the man himself. Advice I readily accept and hold dear.
I can already see the cliff’s edge, growing further distant as I take flight, narrowly escaping a kiss of the earth, the sun blinding...