Bring It The Fuck On - Inspired by Richard Pryor

I have been at a disadvantage for some time now. Two years, in fact. Being that I’m mechanically disinclined didn’t help matters neither. You see, in a land where motherfuckers willfully encroach on your shit in a heartbeat, one thing you need is a motherfuckin’ horn. Not being able to lay into that son of a bitch to awaken some jackleg on the nod or the tear will fuck with your psyche. Has mine. But all that changed today. My personal mechanic, one spiffy young white woman named Laura brought her ass over here today and within about twenty seconds had my ass hooked up. And to think, for two years I risked life and limb only to be armed and ready for all comers within twenty motherfucking seconds. Shit.
Color my ass ready.
All you upwardly mobile cracker motherfuckers who are all eat up in your delusional self important conversations with others of your ilk on your nifty cell phones, drifting directly into my lane without a clue I’m already there? Be-fucking-ware! I will pound the center of that steering wheel and your fucking glass is gonna melt, leaving you with a permanent facial tick. You ornamental sons a bitches who don’t have a clue on any rule or law regarding driving safety, driving backwards and down the wrong side of a one way street wondering where the lotus blossoms are? I will make you regret ever having to step behind the wheel, making you wish an opium den was within scrambling distance. All you meskins who live on the motherfucking horn regardless of the emergency of the situation, playing that fucker like a timbale fill? Now you got some competition jack. I am here to fuck you up. Tito Puente’ that! And all you jungle bunnies? Shit, I don’t have to worry about y’all at all. There is so much smoke in your cars from all that herb you’re smokin’ you can’t see dick, and that’s okay because you’ve been at the same intersection for a week! Y’all ain’t encroachin' on shit. Go buy some more overpriced jewelry.
Like I said. I’m armed. I’m ready. I finally got me a motherfuckin’ horn. I got two years of pent up shit under my belt just ready to crawl out and maul your ass. I pray, I wish, I hope that any of y'all out there just give me the slightest twinge of a motherfuckin’ reason. You see, I’m drivin’ around like a baby with a big dick... layin' in wait for your ass.
Don’t fuck with billy.